Is it rude to give an off

Aug 06, 2023

Most moms will keep unwanted gifts to avoid hurt feelings, according to a new BabyCenter survey.

Two in 3 moms (67 percent) have kept a gifted baby item they didn't want or need because they didn't want to hurt the gifter's feelings.

Yet, 84 percent of moms are open to receiving a gift they didn't register for – even if they're likely to be stuck with it.

From clothing to bottles to big-ticket gear like strollers — not to mention the overwhelming number of diapers — new babies require a lot of stuff.

To guide well-intentioned gift givers and avoid the chance that they'll receive duplicates, many expectant parents build a baby registry with the essentials. And while parents-to-be stress that any gift is appreciated, many admit it's also frustrating to receive something you didn't ask for when there are so many things you do need.

"I absolutely don't expect a gift from anyone and tell everyone 'Your love and support is plenty,' and I really mean it," wrote one mom-to-be in the BabyCenter community. "But if you are going to buy a gift, wouldn't you get something from the list of things I carefully made for this exact purpose?"

Still, most expecting moms who receive an off-registry gift say they'd feel uncomfortable returning it. According to a BabyCenter survey of 406 parents, most moms (67 percent) have kept a gifted baby item they didn't want or need because they didn't want to hurt the gifter's feelings.

So is it ever okay to give an expecting parent something they didn't register for? And if you do, what kinds of items make for safe off-registry gifts? Below, experts weigh in on how to navigate off-registry baby gifting.

"Of course, it's hard to deny the sweet intention that the gift giver had in mind when they chose their gift for you," says Peggy O'Brien, co-founder of Poppy GiftingOpens a new window, a concierge service. "However you're the only one that knows what you truly need and want for your family. If the gift is unnecessary, won't be used, or is a repeat item, it's okay to return or exchange for something that is more useful to you."

In other words, if your mother-in-law and coworkers both gave you the same bouncer, you shouldn't feel guilty returning one for items you actually need, like bath soap, towels, and washcloths. "After all, the days of welcoming a new baby are all about necessity," O'Brien says.

As for how to return an off-registry gift, many BabyCenter parents say they've been able to do so without notifying the gift giver by going directly to the store. "I only got a few gifts that weren't on my registry and it was clothing," recalls one parent. "It mostly came from Target or Carter's, so they just accepted it for exchange, and I grabbed a few things I needed instead."

The good news for off-the-registry shoppers is that most moms-to-be (84 percent) are open to receiving a baby gift they didn't register for. And only one in six poll respondents (16 percent) find it rude to be given an off-registry item.

Experts say if you do go off-registry, it's best to think practical. "Baby clothes, toys, and books are always welcome, functional, and enriching," says Willa Callahan, a co-founder of Poppy Gifting with O'Brien. "Similarly, you can never have too many products such as baby wipes, lotion, soap, diapers, bibs, and food containers." Most families will need these items at some point, even if they didn't register for them.

Another approach is to opt for sweet, sentimental items that don't typically appear on registries. For example, a favorite book from your own childhood or a homemade baby blanket.

Or go for something that can be personalized. O'Brien and Callahan — both moms themselves — loved receiving personalized off-registry items, like hooded bath towels or sweaters monogrammed with their babies' names. "These felt unique and special to our babies and very welcomed," O'Brien says.

Some people understandably dislike giving practical items that don't feel "fun." As a workaround, BabyCenter parents recommend having fun with the wrapping. "I usually try to get my 'cuteness' outlet by wrapping the gift in a unique way," says one mom in our community. "For a shower this weekend, I bought all bath-themed stuff from the registry and wrapped it to look like a bubble bath."

Another idea is to gift some items directly from the baby registry (think an essential like baby bottles) along with something off-registry that you simply like (cute bibs or colorful spoons, for example).

As for off-registry gifts to avoid? Skip big-ticket items like strollers, bouncers, playmats, jumpers, playards, and high chairs. "Not only might these infringe on a family's personal space, but gift recipients may be more precious about certain styles of these items," Callahan says. Plus, parents-to-be are likely to either have already purchased these things themselves or registered for the specific model they want.

Always stick to the registry when buying items that come in various sizes, too, such as changing pads, a crib mattress, and crib sheets. "I got standard-size crib sheets from who knows where with no receipt," says one BabyCenter mom. "What do I have? A mini crib that uses mini crib-size sheets."

It's also best to avoid giving parents anything that feels overly gendered. Not only do some parents dislike gendered clothing, but this can be especially risky if you don't know whether they're expecting a girl or a boy. "With my first, I got a onesie that said 'Handsome Dude','' recalls one BabyCenter parent. "We were having a girl."

The Everyday Health Group Pregnancy & Parenting Talk to Moms® Monthly Poll was conducted by Everyday Health Group – Pregnancy and Parenting between July 5 and 7. We surveyed 406 U.S. respondents aged 18-44 who are currently pregnant or have at least one child up to 5 years old. The survey was fielded among the Dynata Research Panel.

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Kathleen Felton is a freelance writer and editor. She was previously the executive editor of editorial strategy and growth at BabyCenter, the world's number one parenting resource. She is originally from Farmington, Connecticut, and now lives in Sydney, Australia, with her husband and two sons.